There are certain rules in my house. Most of them are unspoken, just understood that it’s the way things work. Last week I was mailing my mother about Christmas (we have an extra for dinner that day) and she was wondering where everyone would sit.
In my family, one of the few things which is pretty much set in stone is where people sit at the dinner table. I don’t remember how it actually came about, but when there are six of us sitting at the table (parents, two sisters, Shane and me), we have our own assigned places. My dad sits at the head, Aoife at the foot, my mum sits on my dad’s right and I sit on my dad’s left. Sinéad 
sits to my left, between me and Aoife, and Shane sits facing her.
Nobody questions it. There has never been any discussion of it. That’s just the way it works. Those are our places, and we sit there automatically. I don’t know how, I don’t know why this came into being, but it is just the way things are.
There are certain cirucmstances where this changes, though. In the event of my gran visiting, she sits in Aoife’s spot, and Aoife sits in Shane’s spot. This, obviously, is only relevant if there are six of us there (i.e. no Shane) because if Shane is there, the rules change again.
If there are seven of us for dinner (or it’s a special occasion) then we eat in the dining room (because the table is bigger, and it extends). The rules here are different to in the kitchen. Aoife and my dad sit in the same spots, the head and the foot, but Shane and my mum swap places with myself and Sinéad, so we’re now on my dad’s right and Shane and my mum are on my dad’s left.
I equally don’t know why the rules changed for the dining room, but they did. This is the way things are, and nobody messes with it.
Then if my gran AND Shane are both there for dinner, my gran again takes Aoife’s space, and she moves the same way as in the kitchen. But because we’re now in the dining room, Aoife doesn’t take Shane’s space, she takes Sinéad’s space, and myself and Sinéad both move up slightly so there are three of us on one side of the table. This (Aoife’s spot) is the prime spot, because Sinéad and I are between Aoife and escape, so when it comes to clearing up, she’s the last person who’s able to get up. That means that usually she sits and talks to my gran while the rest of us do the clearing up. It’s not that she’s lazy, it’s just the way things work. Again, there was nothing explicit stated about this, it’s just the way things are.
It was only when I was talking to some friends a few days ago that I realised this was odd. Other families don’t appear to have the same rules about it. One of my friends said it was just plain weird.
BUT! Then I asked some more friends (Gary and Dave) and they BOTH said their families have seating arrangements.
Again, I’m not entirely sure how it happened. I don’t know why the rules are so complex, or rigid. I also don’t think I’m fully aware of all the intricacies of table-seating, but at least I know my family’s not alone in having such arrangements.
There’s a relief.
